Top 10 Signs You Are A Baha’i

by Collis in Humor on Jun 3, 2011.

Wondering if you’re a real Baha’i? Wonder no more! We’re proud to present tonight’s top ten list … The Top 10 Signs You Are a Baha’i:

Sign #10

You get unreasonably excited every time something has the number 9 or 19 in it.

Sign #9

(ooooh, 9)

You’re always the designated driver after a big night out with your friends, even on your own birthday.

Sign #8

When you hear the word Feast you don’t think of delicious food but rather of lengthy treasurers reports and consultation sessions.

Sign #7

You have learned to look studiously disinterested at gatherings to avoid accidentally getting put on to more committees.

Sign #6

Your work efficiency goes up 10% every March because you stop needing toilet and lunch breaks.

Sign #5

When watching spy movies you always giggle when someone works for the “NSA“.

Sign #4

You have an uncanny ability to be optimistic about the future of the world no matter how dire the current events.

Sign #3

People often ask you why there’s a photo of your grandpa wearing a turban in your living room.

Sign #2

Your work colleagues think you have a made-up religion because of the massive number of “holy days” when you suspiciously can’t be at work.

… and

Sign #1 that You Are a Baha’i

Your friends think you are incredibly important because you are on an Assembly, a Committee and a Task Force!

Have Your Own Additions to the List? Leave them in the comments! We’d love to hear them!

Top 10

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About the Author

Hi, my name is Collis! I'm a Baha'i web designer, blogger and tech entrepreneur. During the day I work at Envato and you can also find me on Twitter.

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Jun 01 2011
at 2:11am

Shamim Bina says

ROFL!!!! thanks writing this Collis. So funny & true! xD I always pick # 9 or 19 on my soccer teams…. LOL!

Jun 01 2011
at 3:54am

Maryam says

So funny. So true. Clever Collis!

Jun 01 2011
at 7:23am

Daniel De Mol says

ROFL XD
Great work!

Jun 01 2011
at 8:19am

Carrie says

You have a compulsion to count the points on anything remotely star like

When giving the definition of “consultation” you can barely contain yourself from singing it

You wonder if the mail is going to be delivered/or the stores will be open on … October 20, Nov 12, March 21, April 21, 29, May 2, May 22, May 29th or July 9th.

You can’t help smiling and giving a nod when you see Rainn Wilson on the screen or television

You thought “Kumbaya”, “He’s got the whole world in his hands”, and the “Hawaiian Unity Songs” were Bahai

You are surprised that no one else knows “Sushi in the Kremlin”

You can’t tear your eyes away from the television if Red Grammer is on Sesame Street

Benji Jun 02 2011 at 2:18pm

Not only do you count the points on products with stars but you feel you need to buy them

Jun 01 2011
at 10:21am

Catherine Martinez says

Another sign your are a Baha’i:
Your security codes, passwords and mobile phone #s have the numbers 1844
You hit the malls for massive present buying on February 23rd.
You wish everyone Happy New Year on March 20th.

Jun 01 2011
at 10:33am

Barney says

Spot on! I recognise all those signs. And here’s one for those who are involved in interfaith organisations and meetings: gratitude for not having to worry about religious dress, about religious diets, about conflicts between different denominations, and for not having to learn Arabic and Persian to read the Writings.

Jun 01 2011
at 10:44am

Tina Salter says

You know you are talking to a Bahá’í when they begin every conversation with ‘in the future’… things will be this way or that way….

Jun 01 2011
at 11:49am

Mehraneh says

Sign #11

You have absolutely No sense of humor!

Jun 01 2011
at 6:04pm

olokui mike mcvay says

People think you are weird…to a family or friend that you really like you see them and spontainiously blurt Allahuabha…or before last month how come you have ben laddins picture on the wall…Really you feel so foreign& lost in this world of pleasures you wake up look at the calendar and its the wrong day and the wrong week and the wrong year and the house is asleep as your prepare to meet your Lord at the appointed moment dawn and all the bad things happening in the world dont matter,they dont know yet,all the matters is our refection in the mirror of core activites,IF you see something you Know youre a Bahai

Jun 01 2011
at 9:19pm

David Perkins says

You have a McFeast and a thick sheik every nineteen days.

Jun 01 2011
at 10:44pm

Jackson Paul Bennett says

Kia ora Collis , you are the second person I’ve known with the name Collis .Featherstone was the other one. Thanks for the 10 signs, mate . A bit of fun , very accurate . Allah’u'abha.

Jun 01 2011
at 11:19pm

People think you are Jewish because they don’t count the points on your star pendant.
You use words like cluster, study circle, entry by troops, institute process, and LSA in every day conversation.

Jun 02 2011
at 1:36am

Sula oliko-Sannyasi says

Whenever theres ajob offer from your current work overseas you put your hand up because its a chance to pioneer.

Jun 02 2011
at 3:38am

Suzy Cardell says

#1….. I add all those things to my resume & I sound really official – which I am thank you!

Oh here’s another one – you know who the Baha’i stars are & you inform you friends who think… maybe you know them first hand.
A friend of mine got an private meeting with Elton John – so I guess that means he knows about the Baha’i Faith now (about a month ago)

Jun 02 2011
at 4:54am

Sholeh Mehra says

You know you’re a Baha’i if you have to get your living parents’ consent for marriage. It doesn’t matter how old you are or if it is your 2nd, 3rd or 4th time.

Sholeh Mehra

Jun 02 2011
at 5:35am

Eric Gooden says

There are many humorous things in the world. lol

Jun 02 2011
at 6:55am

paula mance says

…you strangely know the sunrise/sunset times for 19 days in March…..you know which towns in your area are ‘incorporated’ and which are unincorporated areas.

Jun 02 2011
at 11:26am

Chris says

You guys are goofy:)

Jun 02 2011
at 4:47pm

David Lewis says

You establish a no-gossip zone at work and help others who are behind winning the first SSA DSHS award for effectiveness and reliable adjudicating cases in the USA. Your supervisor takes credit. You say that is not important.

Jun 02 2011
at 7:31pm

Arlene says

You get your taxes done and Baha’i comes up and the tax guy starts talking about how “you guys are based in Israel and see and know everything” and then you realize he’s thinking of B’nai Brith.

Jun 02 2011
at 8:23pm

Dr Don Addison says

I love to see things like this, with humor and good will. I think there is so much negativity in the world, as Baha’is, we can celebrate that the old world order is leaving and a new world order (a good one) is slowly growing up all around us, and in us. I’m not clever like Shamim, and I have no suggestions for ten things, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate this light humor and breath of fresh air in my day.

Jun 02 2011
at 8:41pm

Jeanne Courtney says

You know people in states and countries that you have not even been in.

Jun 02 2011
at 10:57pm

Richard says

you like jokes that no one else understands, like what did we have before Baha’i Rings? Babi Pins.

Jun 03 2011
at 12:32am

Iman says

You are a bahai if you must travel to israel (even for a short 3 day trip) when u plan overseas trips
You are a bahai if u chose ur business name by pickibg a bahai symbol (eg lotus)
You are a bahai if u add a 9, 19 or 99 somewhere in the login name for ur emails or other websites or even ur car registration number.

Jun 03 2011
at 2:11am

Connie Torrence says

Thanks! Had a long hard day at work. So nice to end it with a chuckle!

Jun 03 2011
at 2:29am

Mark Dillman says

…and then as soon as Dave finishes the Top 10 List Paul Schaffer and the CBS Orchestra start playing “Summer Breeze”!!!

Jun 03 2011
at 1:11pm

Bengali says

#11: You are still a virgin when your friends get divorced for the first time.

Jun 03 2011
at 1:34pm

Louise says

You know how to pronounce ‘Baha’i’ and its not ‘BA hai’ which sounds vaguely like something related to sheep.

Jun 04 2011
at 3:36pm

vicki says

you panic when you realize it is AFTER sunset–now the long prayer

Romin Jul 05 2011 at 5:38pm

“you panic when you realize it is AFTER sunset–now the long prayer”

Hhahahah this one…. definitely this one…

Excellent post by the way!
- alhan rowhani Oct 06 2012 at 3:34pm
  
  LMAO!! This is hilarious n sooo true!!!

Jun 08 2011
at 10:04pm

MiselD says

i like Sign #6, nice post as always!

Jun 15 2011
at 12:51am

9 Handmade Baha’i Jewellery and Craft Pieces from Etsy | Baha'i Blog says

[...] A quick search on the word ‘bahai’ yields lots of great stuff, I’ve collected nine of my favourites to showcase here, but I highly recommend heading over and finding your own [...]

Jun 17 2011
at 1:14am

Diana says

Not true or nice, I am a Bahai and I totally disagree. I don’t see people making fun of Christians or jews like this!!!

Jun 20 2011
at 11:53am

Three Months of Baha’i Blogging! | Baha'i Blog says

[...] Collis Ta’eed’s painfully HILARIOUS (and tragically spot-on) Top 10 Signs You Are a Baha’i! [...]

Aug 14 2011
at 4:52am

Leilani Smith says

I love it! So true! How long have you been a Baha’i Diana? Even in the prison of ‘Akka the friends told each other jokes to keep up their spirits. One of God’s qualities is “the Humorist” — it’s in a Tablet; see Revelation of Baha’u'llah vol. 4, p. 244. Or check it out on Ocean. Thank you, Collis. I actually have a funny story about Hand of the Cause of God Collis Featherstone, too, on a visit to Chicago.

Oct 20 2011
at 9:20am

Salah Rushdy says

#12 you know you ‘re a Baha’i when you can say your own name in a Persian accent. (ie. Salaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahe Jan) ;p

Feb 02 2012
at 1:22pm

csaba says

When you see the words “ASSEMBLY REQUIRED” on a box of LEGO what pops into your mind is a new pioneering post you must be a Baha’i.

Feb 06 2012
at 2:04am

ryan says

I like this a lot! Baha’u'llah would love this! It is said he had a great sense of humor. BTW I have seen Jews and Christians being made fun of and some of that stuff is far worse then this.

Feb 06 2012
at 8:04pm

Sue B says

Another sign you are a Baha’i: You know how to spell Huqúqu’lláh (or where to look up how to spell it)!
Thanks for the joy and humor — there are some wonderful reports of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s sense of humor.

Feb 17 2012
at 1:14am

Zla'od says

Back in the 1990′s, I remember seeing about a hundred “top nine lists” of Baha’i-related humor. I hope somebody has saved these.

Feb 18 2012
at 10:46am

And praise be to Google, here they are:

http://bahaiforums.com/culture-arts/7601-bahai-religion-humour-thread.html

Feb 19 2012
at 3:57pm

Lawrence says

Firesides are usually without real camp fires;

Summer and Winter schools don’t necessarily come with sunny days or snow outside.

Feb 22 2012
at 12:58pm

Chris Abbas says

I know I’m a Bahá’í when I get excited that other institutions use words and phrases I think we had first (New World Order for example, and schools in Wales now work in groups called ‘clusters’).
I also know I’m a Bahá’í when an unsolicited telephone sales call is an amazing opprtunity to share something ‘Bahá’í’ with the caller – especially if they are calling from New Delhi.

Sometimes we work so hard and so seriously as Bahá’ís that we forget laughter and joy can heal and teach and reach parts other more serious attributes cannot reach. Its great to see that we also share a universal sense of humour too xxx

Mar 10 2012
at 11:57pm

Stuff Baha’is Say – Video | Baha'i Blog says

[...] more Baha’i humor check out The Study Circle (The Office Parody) or our own Top Ten Signs You Are a Baha’i, and add a comment for every cliche’d Baha’i comment you’ve ever heard. [...]

Mar 11 2012
at 7:20pm

Loie Mead says

Laughter and humor are vital; however, this idea may prove counter-productive to the Cause.

Lee Mar 11 2012 at 11:19pm

Thank goodness we have institutions and the Writings that guide us in that regards and not individual, vague, opinions. LOVE individual initiative and this particular post has brought delight to many.

Mar 11 2012
at 9:01pm

Esther Bradley-DeTally says

Hilarious entries – how about you meet someone who says, “I’m from Chicago, and you pull out of your old think tank, “Did you ever go to the north shore? No? Do you visit Wilmette? NO? (don’t get discouraged reader ….)

Or, we lived in Russia (we did) and people say, “Why did you live in Russia,”

Mar 12 2012
at 3:58am

Russ says

Why were there no Baha’is at the Last Supper?

(For the sake of the joke concede that Baha’is were around at that time)

“Because it wasn’t a potluck.”

Told at a fireside in his home in 1997 by Dr. David Ruhe, former Secretary
of the NSA of the USA and a member of the Universal Houst of Justice for
25 years. It evoked some giggles, some chuckles and some groans…

Mar 12 2012
at 7:01am

Fran says

When people are looking at you with greedy faces because you say you come from Burgundy and your house was surrounded with wine fields since wine was the main local industry and you add quietly that you don’t drink any alcohol because of religious reason OF COURSE as if it was an evidence they are aware of. Then you hear : “Ah, you are Muslim ! ” -”No I am a Baha’i” and then you see new faces and start thinking how you will teach them.

Mar 17 2012
at 7:06am

Mele Siale says

You are busier at weekends than during the week! Doing core activities, trainings, meetings etc.

Loie Mead Mar 17 2012 at 11:34pm

Yes, Mele, and when you study “The Five Year Plan 2011-2016″ in its entirety and discover energy to take on one more Baha’i activity.
vicki Mar 18 2012 at 4:33pm

and it takes the WHOLE FIVE YEARS to study the five year plan

Mar 23 2012
at 2:22am

Baha’i Blog Turns One! | Baha'i Blog says

[...] 2. Top 10 Signs You Are a Baha’i [...]

Jul 26 2012
at 6:28pm

Francis Ng says

Do you know that in Chaldean Numerology -
* No. 9 is considered the highest single digit number and a spiritual number
* No. 19 is called ‘ The Prince of celestial world’.

Amazing fact is’nt it. Numerology was originated from Babylon , some 5,000 years ago.

Jan 30 2013
at 2:49pm

Marvina says

You know you’re a Baha’i when you are sitting on a bench outside your apartment building, waiting for a ride to your Ruhi class, and you are gesturing in the air trying to create mental images so you can remember the quotations.

Mar 25 2013
at 4:38am

Vicky says

Wow, I’ve been a Baha’i all my life and none of these things apply to me. Guess I’d better turn in my card. :p